SATURDAY INDOORS

Photo on 10-10-2015 at 10.17 am #4

Once again, I won’t be saying much. Words still don’t come. This morning I went early to have my eyebrows waxed and tinted and then had breakfast at the Pomegranate Cafe. Neither sounds significant except that they are new for me. Then I slept a day away again and did not push to the Bello NA meeting. It all works better for me this way. And instead of seeking words to explain my life – I shall simply potter.

PLOVERS

RETURNING

DSCF4681

The week has been long and slow with iMac out of action and only slow computer access. I have had 2 days on which I have felt very much like a normal person – albeit fat of legs. There have been sad things in this week and happy things. Tonight comes towards midnight and I am quite well and quite content.

I have had major expenses this week. The Computer and the Car and more. So be it. I have also had swims and hugs and been able to drive. I picked my granddaughter up from school today and we ate scallops and ice cream.

I saw a young mother destroy herself and her family this week.

Whereas this Old Mother is now a Grandmother – something which once looked unlikely. A fortunate woman to have made it to this time.

LYNNE PROFILE

IMac IS DOWN.

HH BEACH2

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My good computer is down with the white screen of death and the MacBook is running very very slowly indeed so I have had little chance to post or write. I have had some sunny days and some saltwater days. My little girl said to me today that she can still see Izzy – he is inside her head. You can see him too, Nana – if you just look inside your head.

We went to the beach today. My Goodness , it was fun. The Girls loved it and my Own Beautiful Big Girl went in.And we talked with friends and I was happy.

THE LAST DAY

29 SEP 2015 MOON

He went to bed before me that night. I wanted to stay up and I was getting a new camera the next morning and I was excited. He had a big day planned for the Saturday and he went to bed. By the time I woke up he had gone running – but he didn’t come back. He just didn’t come back.

I still can’t breathe when I think of it. I still can’t breathe when I think about seeing the Police Car come up the drive and hoping that may be he had just been hurt. I can still hear Kate scream. A terrible wild howl through the Phone. And the drive up the Valery Road in the police car and then there he was beside the road in the dirt under a sheet with a bang on his head. And I knew he was gone. Knew it was done and over. Everything done and over.

AND THE LAST WORDS I EVER HEARD HIM SPEAK TO ME WERE ON THE FRIDAY NIGHT AS HE WENT TO BED

“GOOD NIGHT , MY BEAUTIFUL LADY “

ONE MORE DAY

moonrise

Days pass and things happen. I did the NA meeting and then Nic T came to visit and my Girls. My brother has tried to get me into the Hep C clinic in R.P.A but could not get a definitive answer. That’s how it goes.

Its a full moon and very beautiful. It was, in its own way, an ORDINARY DAY. I handled it somewhat better than I have been doing. I think so , anyways. 
MOONRISE 5

Yesterday I had a snake in the kitchen and that WAS funny.

It broke Izzy’s Mug and that was NOT funny.

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