JUST BRIEFLY BEFORE BED

0 lynne mirror

Its 11.30 p.m. The heater is blazing and I have not left home all day. I gather that there are wild winds blowing but the Shack is tucked in from them. One week now before I fly out. One week. But tonight, I am not swimming into the Feelings. Tonight , I would surely drown in them.  Tonight, I shall read another Corris Novel and hope that the back ache stops and that I can sleep.

Otherwise – its the Evening Descent into Sorrowing and Memories. Ocha ! I feel too weary tonight for that walk, Nonetheless, it could well be the thing that happens, as it is most nights. Like an outside toilet was used to be. Down past the Turkey at my old Aunt and Uncle’s. Into the dark with a candle or torch. Paper hanging on a nail and visions of spiders and snakes. Cold and sometimes wet. A smelling can of faeces and more.

I could be going out there again tonight – but I hope not. If I do – maybe the damned turkey will leave me alone and not gob ble gobble at me.

If I do – maybe the smell won’t be too bad and the day’s processed waste will be out of me and on the way back – well I just might notice something sweet. Maybe a moon will be risen or a star shining through the cloud. Perhaps the wind’s chill will be clean and without the finger touch of the Ghosts.

Who knows ? I surely don’t. Round about Midnight, I just wait for whatever is coming along . And sometimes, I sleep all night.

DICKHEADS OF A DOCS AND A SUNNY DAY.

I have been doing some FaceBook checking back and realised that it was this week last year that I was told my heart was fine after years of having been told it was enlarged. Iz and I were majorly excited because it meant we could go exploring places that had looked so risky before. But within a few days, he was dead from major heart disease that they hadn’t even tested for let alone recognised. No wonder the shock was compounded and compounded.