Another spit of a day. Freaking out quietly and internally. Zip broke on bag. General screw ups everywhere. And a regression to mental collapse. My girl came and that helped. Bed all day and that helped . Sandra cooked buttered chicken and Boston Belle monitored me online. It all helped but my nose bled. My belly hurt and my mind fused. Totally inadequate. Total shutdown. Haven’t got it right at all.
The FIRSTS are just plain shattering. I don’t set out on travels well at the best of times but this time is a humdinger. Memories trying to batter one another to death. Bone Marrow instincts shrieking like Wildnesses. Tormented and wanting to just sit very still and not ever move from this office chair again. Havent worked out how to even secure my house for while I’m gone.
Sweet Holy Heck. And I shall miss my iMac. The routines have been holding me together and the break in them is causing me to shimmer. I do, however, VERY MUCH want to do this trip. Visit with my boy and his girl and look at new places. Once again with feeling, Girl.
IF A THING IS WORTH DOING, ITS WORTH DOING BADLY AT FIRST .