Category Archives: THE ILLNESSES


Well – what a day ! Shaz came and we walked the bridge before Dawn and watched the sun rise.  We had brekkie at Pomegranate and then KayBee and the Girls came and I had such a nice day with them. Then I went up to Young Docs to get my bloods and she freaked and whipped me into an ambulance and into Coffs and next thing I am back in Emergency like this time last year. Bleeding. Platelets 32. Genotype 1A. Fluid retention and so sad. But it worked out and an ED Doc came and was practical and experienced and sent me home – so long as I go see a heptologist within a few weeks.

Stuck alone in Coffs and shattered. SandSea came and gt me and we had Maccas and we laughed and came home. What a day.



I went to a Meeting today and then to the Doctor. Dr F whom I liked much better but it was only an urgent appointment so its back to the young ones later in the week. Not good enough for me. I need some experienced people. Ah well Ah well. He did say my lungs are clear and I am breathing well. And he had  a look of compassion about my being frightened at the possibility of its being pneumonia.

Surely I am beginning to come together somewhat. I shall still see little of the Brierfields even in holidays, methinks. Meetings do not appeal to me. Today has passed and night is here. I went out amongst people today and I feel a little grubby so I had best clean myself up spiritually again and just fiddle around for the evening.

I see myself as a Fractured China Doll. Carefully, carefully under repair.

Its a nice night. I am safe. I have been medically checked. I live. I have cameras.



Now for some pottering around.


I took no photos today.

I took a community transport vehicle to the psych in coffs for $15.

I liked her.

I liked the travel and all is well for one more day.


I don’t yet feel the benefits – but I will.

When you turn for home the Father comes out to meet you.

Waiting time is not wasting time. Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life.

Henri Nouwen

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The next step has been taken. THE PHYSIOTHERAPIST. I could have done with one straight after the Coma. Poor Service indeed. And then I could have done with one once I came home. Shame on you all ! Now for $25 , I saw Deena today and she understood a lot of what was wrong. I have some exercises to begin and then I see her again next week. Ridiculous that the sick person has to formulate their own recovery programme.

No matter, I am doing it. Its Springtime now. I missed last Spring, I was asleep in the Dreaming in ICU in Coffs Harbour Hospital. This year I smell all the flowers and enjoy the gentle weather. I went with the Girls to Bellingen Greengrocer and I did the Yellow Shed. One thing each day, Lynne. You have pushed too hard again. My voice is gone and I have pain as well as the now discernible Grief. Up until now the Grief and Illness have been so closely entwined that I could not separate them. Over the last 2 weeks, ever so patiently I begin to untangle the silken threads that have had me cocooned for over  a year.


Acknowledge the ONE THING today. I went to the Physiotherapist. Done and dusted.

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SUSAN JOSIE AND LYNNEDonna Durbidge-Verrall Holy shit….it takes at least 2yrs to recover fully from any surgery but when your on life support it takes even longer…the meds they used to keep my dad alive & the huge blood transfusions they told my mum he would suffer huge psychosis & depression…which he did & in the end it was fishing out on the breakwall that finally turned him around so be kind & gentle on yourself. Your body has been through immense trauma & shock!!… look after yourself

Damn Lynne life is cruel sometimes but your a survivor but emotionally I can’t grasp how you coped & are still coping…take time & go slow but with the amount of meds used to keep your poor body going must’ve been immense & for such a long stint!!…ICU are scary scary places like being in another world!!…


And sometimes, I just want to be here alone in the Quietness. Sad and All. Thinking things over. The surf is softly in the background and I have Baez on and I am simply quiet.

Then I come across the Facebook memories from 2014.

Kati Braithwaiteto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
13 September 2014 at 19:27 ·

 Quite a few of you have been asking for an update on Mum Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite Yesterday they stopped Mum’s sedation. We are still waiting for her to wake up. The pneumonia doesn’t appear to be getting worse but her lungs have been badly damaged. It is just a waiting game at this stage. Thanks again everyone

life adventure
Regina Saundersto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

three days off facebook and look what happens? Sweety… I miss you: you’re lightness in the dark, your truth in the face of adversity and your joy of little big things; like flowers and sunsets and children and farm settings and good music. Please get better… please, please, please get better


Kirsty Louise Bamback
Today is world Sepsis Day, it is currently one of the biggest killers in the world, with one dying every few seconds, yet it is the least funded and researched of all infectious diseases. Read up, and donate today!!
Lynette Komidarto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

Thinking of you Lynne.

tu me manques

Denise Head to‎ Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

We miss you Lynne – not the same without your clever posts and beautiful images – hope you’re recovering quickly xx

bali and scooby

Mary Ann Baxterto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
13 September 2014 at 14:05 ·

 Get better soon, Lynne, we all miss you!!! XOXOXOXOXOX
Rosemary Thomto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

100 roses for a very special lady who means so much to so many. Get well soon Lynne.
Kati are you able to give us an update on your Mum?

Julie Knoxto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

Sending you lots of love. Thinking of you Love always Pat and Julie

rose white

Karen Sanders Darby‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
Thinking of you Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite sending positive healing thoughts and love, you are a Sanders they are strong and long living.
This is A Sanders Rambling White Rose from England hope it can help with the healing
Natalie Birdsall‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
Miss you Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite — with Sophie Hutchison at Park Beach.
rose red
Ree Preo‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
13 September 2014 ·

What a wonderful idea Chris Goopy
This is the L.D Braithwaite. I thought it was appropriate.
Vanessa Gould-Nugent‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
I know you love the yellow robin Lynne, so I’ll share this one with you. I hope you will be back with us soon. I miss your musings and our chats. Kati, any chance of an update?
Julia Hardakerto‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
13 September 2014 at 08:21 ·

Lynne you are so missed and we want you back and fighting fit among those that treasure you!!!! Love to you and beaming up big strong ones to help you recover quickly!!!!!! Xxxx🙋

— at Coconut Grove, Northern Territory

john baker
John Baker‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
Lynne sending Blossoms from CH-Ch, Get Well soon.Miss all of your Gems.
princess rose
Chris Goopy‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite

can never resist roses, so let’s start a rose chain for her… This is Princess de Monaco, my favourite rose… it has the most amazing perfume…


Ree Preo‎Lynne Sanders-Braithwaite
13 September 2014 · Edited ·

Good Morning Princess Lynne of Raleigh. It’s taken me half the night to polish this bloody thing, but it’s done now and eagerly awaits sleeping beauty’s awakening.
I expect it to adorn your head at the next Raleigh Rumblings.
Thinking of you. Love you lots xo
Good Grief, I just found all of these. For a year I have been angry and suspicious and fearful of the people and then i find all these and am gobsmacked. Completely gobsmacked. 


Wish I could tell you that the mood has changed but its only slightly improved. The Girls came today – unexpectedly. Therein lies my joy. I also wen to the doctor and got more data about the illness – sepsis and- o God knows what. I did not feel inclined to work out another end of life scenario. I need to see an older, more experienced medico. Anyways, as it is , i have plans to see the physio at Paul’s place and the psych there. That went through smoothly for the first time of all the appointments I have tried to make so I like the feel of that and will be very cheap.

Now that my head is a little clearer, I can pull a few disciplines back once more.

STAY IN THE DAY. Day is done. Appointments for physio and psych are made. I have played with the little girls.I might even go out and buy a dinner.Maybe.  I have booked Robynne in to the Caravan Park.

Now for a little programming for the night.

  1. don’t pick up.
  2. safe tonight.
  3. get some dinner.
  4. do some step work.
  5. 5 keep the thinking within the day.
  6. work on the recovery blog
  7. go get a Chinese dinner. Live as you would have with Izzy’s golden hand on you.

In its own way this is a quietly desperate time for me. A time of profound unhappiness and aching heartbreak.



LOST AND FOUND NO 8 : Patience is the best gift you can give me. I

LYNNE BWPatience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain. Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition.

I feel lost with this one. Izzy was patient with me but as for the rest, I don’t feel like I am treated with patience. Nor do I feel like I am heard. I know I am twisty emotionally but I don’t know what to do about that.

I lay there when I emerged from the Coma and I knew that nothing was working. Not my limbs or body or bladder.

I lay there and knew that I didn’t know what year it was – or month.

I thought I would be looked after but I wasn’t. I don’t know how deep nor how hot my anger over that is.

No matter. I am working this out – slowly. I swear I can almost feel the pathways. There is still the bit missing in the left side of my head. Some days everything fuses like it has the last few days and sparks have been flying. My head don’t feel like my head. My skin don’t fit and my eyes bulge.

I am REALLY grateful that mostly my brain is functioning. God knows who would look after me if it didn’t because there don’t seem to be anyone around to do so. But it does and I can work things out as long as I am left to the days where I can and in the manner which I can.


Be patient. Be patient. I don’t know how to get to Sydney to see the Baby Louis. I don’t know how to register my car. I don’t know how to get to meetings out of Urunga.  BE PATIENT.

They tell me that D and R have planted flowers for me in my garden. Their strange, background kindness brings me undone.

The vegies are thriving and although they don’t usually plant flowers, they have done so. I am doing a lot of internal rewiring and rebuilding in here, People. And I am getting just about as much help as the Governments of this world are giving disaster survivors. Its OK but I will not be appearing or actin normal for quite some time yet. If you don’t want to be near someone who is in the process of early reconstruction – bugger off. This is the best I can do.



  1. I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy.
  2. My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside.
  3. rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years
  4. I am not being difficult if I resist social situations
  5. If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation.
  6. If we are talking and I tell you that I need to stop, I need to stop NOW! 
  7. Try to notice the circumstances if a behaviour problem arises.
  8. Patience is the best gift you can give me. It allows me to work deliberately and at my own pace, allowing me to rebuild pathways in my brain. Rushing and multi-tasking inhibit cognition.


DSCF2984 DSCF3002

I HAVE hit a kind of emptiness. The brain fog. I have been busy all week and I think the fatigue has kicked in. I went shopping in Bellingen with the Girls and I went to acupuncture and lymphatic massage. I have rearranged the Shack somewhat and it looks good but I am deadhead. I have done the “right” actions but the emotions have simply ceased.No matter. The Burras are all about and the plants are growing and Remi tells me that there are baby roos along the track. My Girl came and helped me today and the car has passed Rego. My Poppy is in Canberra and the Brierfields have begun work on their house. The Giece have take Baby home. And its quiet here in the Shack.


LOST AND FOUND NO 5 : If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation.

If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation.

That is because I have trouble following all the different “lines” of discussion. It is exhausting to keep trying to piece it all together. I’m not dumb or rude; my brain is getting overloaded!LYNNEBW

It has affected my meetings attendance.I have been unable to follow the Shares and felt overwhelmed with both the numbers of people and the messages being given. I have now reached a stage of only attending 1 or 2 a week and only on days where It doesn’t feel too complex or emotionally disturbing.

I also find myself listening to a conversation and then drifting mentally off into another realm. I have committed to some rather odd things by doing so.

CHEERFUL THOUGHT OF THE DAY : They have invented that WAVE thingo on eftpos allowing me to look very “with it ” instead of looking like I have forgotten the PIN number.



  1. I need a lot more rest than I used to. I’m not being lazy.
  2. My stamina fluctuates, even though I may look good or “all better” on the outside.
  3. rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years
  4. I am not being difficult if I resist social situations
  5. If there is more than one person talking, I may seem uninterested in the conversation.


Rehabilitation takes a very long time; it is usually measured in years. It continues long after formal rehabilitation has ended. Please resist expecting me to be who I was, even though I look better.

lynne [rofbw

I don’t even know what to say about this. I don’t think I have a concept of “in God’s good time”. In the last week, I have begun to feel another layer of relaxing and accepting. Slow it down Lynne and don’t aim for old Baselines. Don’t aim for anything. The Blog I am getting this great list from – speaks of what we would like you to know about us.

I know that I look OK. Not as I would like. I am gnarly and creased and crinkled. Greatly overweight with hair like a sheep – but I look OK.

But I am not what nor who I was before all this. Never will be again. I shall be something built from the shards of HER but I shall not be the same.

I think the complete lack of formal rehabilitation SUX. I shall simply take to my kayak and go on as I am. But I do believe it has delayed things. Then again, maybe they would have twisted me all out of shape.

One thing I need to do is make NO commitments AT ALL. I cannot guarantee fulfilling them So DON’T MAKE THEM.

Just when you look at me, know that not everything inside my head is working properly and very little of it is working as it did.

When you look at me, know that I am trying but you drift in and out of focus mentally. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I may do so. And for that, I am sorry.

As I have written before, its a very odd feeling. Nothing seems to be the same. Not my sleeping or my taste in food or books or TV. Or anything.  Its like what I imagine a giant jetlag would be like. Wrap that takeaway meal in layers of grief and top it off with a house move. Then dip it in the grease of a terminal illness and I am schmuddled.