Jesus H Christ – here it comes again. Sorrowing and a sense of horror. And the struggle to desire to keep living. O lord. Oh. I am distraught. Migod. Its all such shit. It was this emotion that led me to heroin addiction. Finding life simply unbearable. And here I am again. 40 years later. Feeling the same way. Tis is the emotion that led me to dropping out and eating opium.
I am hot and bitten and heartbroken and weary in the core of my being.
And now , fatigue and heat take over and I look at bed. A cold shower and then bed and hope noone nicks my kayak in the night.
Whoa that one passed over more savagely but much more quickly. And I have landed here at midnight – and its OK. There is a new kayak out the back and I went for dinner with S.C and her family. And Things are OK. Dear Lord stop me going near officialdom. I just have a serious allergic reaction to al the agencies even when the people are nice.
Maybe tomorrow, I will be OK again. Maybe tomorrow, I will go on. Maybe tomorrow something will matter to me again.
|Individuality ignored from ASTRODIENST http://www.astro.com/horoscope||***|
Toughening up *** Valid during many months: At this time you will make gradual but very profound changes in your life and create structures that will last a long time. You work at this task with great patience and attention to detail, because you are not working for today only. You are working for tomorrow as well.This influence confers great endurance, which enables you to work slowly over a long period of time to eliminate those elements of your life that have become unnecessary and limiting, replacing them with structures that are more relevant to your present activities.This is a period of slow but profound change within yourself also. Certain aspects of your character are changing and taking on a form that will last for many years. This change may be reflected in certain external changes in your public appearance or any other important activity in your life.You are likely to be very careful about everything that you do under this influence. Because you try not to waste anything, the people around you may think you are excessively conservative. But really you are just acting with great discipline.Whether or not it is necessary, you are able now to get along with very little in the way of material goods. And you have a phenomenal ability to contend with adversity if you have to. This influence has the effect of toughening you up considerably.A related effect is that persons in authority may give you considerable power to reorganize a structure at some level. They are acknowledging your disciplined, orderly approach to every task, which is characteristic of this influence. Transit selected for today (by user):
Pluto trine Saturn, ,
activity period end of January 2015 until beginning of December 2016
Higher dimensions *** Valid during many months: How you will react to this influence will depend upon how well you have learned certain of life’s lessons. If you are extremely materialistic and so caught up in the mundane concerns of daily life that you cannot see or conceive of anything higher – whether it be a religion, a system of ideals or whatever – you will experience this time as extremely confusing. Events will occur that simply do not fit into your scheme, and you will become confused and perhaps act in ways that you consider very unwise. You may suddenly start chasing after wild and impractical dreams, become involved with persons who are very out of touch with reality and generally get your goals thoroughly scrambled.All of this arises because this influence exposes you to higher dimensions of existence, to a world that doesn’t work like the one you have been taught to see. Nevertheless this higher world is real and important, in that it gives life meaning even though seemingly far removed from it. If you have always frowned on idealistic notions of higher metaphysical dimensions, this influence will confuse and upset you, because it reveals these dimensions to you. But if you have learned that the universe does not stop with what you can see and feel with your senses, this influence will allow you to experience profound revelations and understanding. Your degree of enlightenment or confusion depends entirely upon how well prepared you are. Transit selected for today (by user):
Uranus opposition Neptune, ,
activity period beginning of May 2014 until 4 April 2015